Marriage

If all Brides are beautiful, where the fuck do ugly wives come from?


I'm thinking about getting married. I looked up the word "engaged" in the dictionary. It said, "To do battle with the enemy." Then I looked up mother-in-law. It said, "See engaged."


Dan: "I'm a man of few words."
Loz: "Yeah, I'm married, too."


It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.


I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.


What is the shortest sentence in the English Dictionary, but the longest sentence of your life?
"I do."


The future father-in-law asks, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replies, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."


How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.